Have you ever found yourself jumping from one committed relationship to another, wondering why each one seems to follow the same script?

You’re not alone.

This pattern, often referred to as serial monogamy, is so common that it’s practically the default way many of us approach love.

You meet someone, fall head over heels, commit exclusively to them, and when it doesn’t work out, you move on to the next great love.

Rinse and repeat.

For some, this cycle feels perfectly natural, even comforting.

For others, it starts to feel a bit… exhausting.

Why does each relationship have to end completely before a new one can begin?

Why is exclusivity seen as the gold standard for love and commitment?

And most importantly, is there another way to think about relationships that doesn’t involve this endless loop?

In this post, we’ll explore the concept of serial monogamy and how it shapes the way we think about love.

We’ll also discuss how ethical non-monogamy (ENM) challenges this model, offering a different, more flexible way to approach connection and commitment.

Whether you’re already familiar with ENM or just beginning to question the traditional rules of relationships, this is the perfect place to start unpacking how love could look beyond serial monogamy.

Key Takeaways

• Serial monogamy involves consecutively having committed relationships.
• It can reflect a preference for stability or deeper psychological motivations.
• Recognizing one’s patterns in serial monogamy is important for personal fulfillment.

What is Serial Monogamy?

Serial monogamy is something many of us have experienced, even if we didn’t know the term for it.

It’s the practice of having one romantic partner at a time—but instead of staying with that partner for life, you transition from one monogamous relationship to another.

Think of it as a “monogamy carousel,” where the ride changes, but the rules of the game stay the same: one partner, exclusivity, repeat.

If you’ve ever gone through a string of committed relationships that ended for one reason or another—only to dive into another serious commitment not long after—you’ve participated in serial monogamy.

No shame in that; it’s the dominant romantic narrative many of us are socialized into.

But what does serial monogamy have to do with ethical non-monogamy (ENM), you ask?

Let’s dive in.

Serial Monogamy and the Cultural Script

Serial monogamy works hand-in-hand with the cultural idea that we’re supposed to find “The One.”

This belief is deeply ingrained in many societies, shaping how we view love, relationships, and commitment.

It’s based on the idea that all aspects of love, sex, and companionship should be bundled into a single relationship.

When that relationship ends, the expectation is to start over with someone new—often as quickly as possible.

This cycle of “start fresh and try again” reflects the way we’re taught to approach relationships, almost like a romantic reset button.

Society has long equated exclusivity with commitment and emotional depth, reinforcing the idea that being with one partner at a time is the ideal.

In fact, moving seamlessly from one partner to another is often seen as a sign of emotional resilience or stability.

But for many people, this constant reshuffling can feel exhausting.

Imagine the toll of repeatedly adjusting to new dynamics, healing from heartbreak, and re-learning how to be vulnerable with someone new.

It’s not just emotionally draining—it can also lead to deeper questions about whether this model truly serves our happiness.

Why do we assume that all of our emotional, romantic, and sexual needs must be met by a single person?

Why do we equate exclusivity with ultimate commitment, even when it doesn’t always bring long-term fulfillment?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

What if there’s another way to think about relationships—one that doesn’t revolve around exclusivity and endless repetition?

How ENM Challenges Serial Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy isn’t about rejecting love or commitment—it’s about redefining them.

Instead of limiting emotional or sexual connection to one person, ENM asks an important question:

What if relationships could be about honesty, communication, and choice rather than strict rules of exclusivity?

In ENM, the idea that one partner must fulfill every single need is replaced by a more flexible, inclusive approach to connection.

This stands in stark contrast to serial monogamy, where relationships are often treated as “all-or-nothing” endeavors.

In serial monogamy, there’s an expectation that each relationship must check every box—from romantic intimacy to sexual satisfaction to emotional support.

When it doesn’t, the relationship ends, and the cycle begins anew.

ENM challenges this by suggesting that no single person should be expected to meet all of our needs.

Here’s an example:

Imagine you’re in a committed monogamous relationship but feel a genuine attraction to someone else.

In serial monogamy, you might suppress those feelings out of guilt or fear of hurting your partner.

Over time, this suppression can lead to resentment, emotional distance, or even infidelity.

In ENM, those feelings don’t have to be a source of shame.

Instead, they can be explored openly and honestly, with your partner’s consent and mutual understanding.

This doesn’t mean replacing your current partner; it means expanding the capacity for connection while respecting the integrity of your existing relationship.

ENM isn’t about having a backup plan or hedging your bets—it’s about creating a sustainable, authentic way to love and connect.

It redefines commitment as something rooted in choice and communication, rather than exclusivity.

Why People Shift from Serial Monogamy to ENM

For many people, the transition from serial monogamy to ENM begins with noticing a pattern in their relationships.

Maybe the honeymoon phase fades, leaving the relationship feeling unfulfilling or restrictive.

Or perhaps there’s a desire for variety—emotionally, sexually, or intellectually—but instead of addressing it, they feel trapped by societal expectations of monogamy.

Another common experience is the belief that a relationship must end completely before starting another.

These patterns can feel unnatural, even stifling, and they often lead people to question whether serial monogamy is truly meeting their needs.

ENM offers an alternative.

For those craving deeper transparency and authenticity, ENM provides a framework where desires, boundaries, and needs can be openly discussed.

It removes the pressure to fit every connection into a monogamous mold and instead prioritizes honesty and mutual respect.

Of course, transitioning to ENM isn’t without challenges.

It requires unlearning monogamous conditioning—everything from jealousy to the idea that exclusivity equals love.

But for many, the result is a more fulfilling and liberating way to navigate intimacy and relationships.

Can Serial Monogamy and ENM Coexist?

Here’s the thing: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to love and relationships.

Some people thrive in serial monogamy, finding joy and meaning in dedicating themselves fully to one partner at a time.

For others, the cycle of monogamy—falling in love, breaking up, and starting over—can feel like a hamster wheel, endlessly repetitive and ultimately unfulfilling.

ENM doesn’t demand that everyone abandon monogamy.

Instead, it invites us to question whether the rigid rules of monogamy are serving our happiness and authenticity.

Even if you resonate with serial monogamy, there’s space to explore how certain ENM principles could enhance your relationships.

For example, ENM’s focus on open communication, honesty, and consent can deepen trust and connection in any relationship, even monogamous ones.

At its core, ENM isn’t about rejecting monogamy—it’s about rejecting rigidity.

It’s about recognizing that love doesn’t have to follow a one-size-fits-all script.

It’s about embracing the freedom to write your own story and explore relationships on your terms.

Final Thoughts

Serial monogamy may seem like the “default setting” for relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only or best path for everyone.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re chasing a finish line that doesn’t exist, ENM might offer possibilities you hadn’t considered.

But remember: exploring ENM isn’t about being “better” than monogamy.

It’s about being true to yourself and your unique way of building connections.

Whether you’re happily monogamous, curious about ENM, or somewhere in between, one thing is certain:

Love is a spectrum, and we’re all just figuring it out.

FAQ on Serial Monogamy

In this section, you’ll find answers to common questions about serial monogamy, providing insights into how it varies from traditional monogamy, its characteristics, and its implications.

How does serial monogamy differ from traditional monogamy?

Serial monogamy involves engaging in successive monogamous relationships without much gap in between, unlike traditional monogamy where individuals commit to one partner potentially for a lifetime.

What are some typical characteristics of serial monogamists in relationships?

Serial monogamists often seek deep and committed relationships but tend to move on after a period of time to seek new partners, indicating a pattern of repeated, exclusive bonds.

What societal factors contribute to the practice of serial monogamy?

Shifts in societal norms regarding marriage and dating, increased acceptance of divorce, and the pursuit of personal fulfillment can all contribute to the practice of serial monogamy.

Can serial monogamy impact the dynamics of marital relationships?

Serial monogamy may influence marital dynamics by changing expectations around permanence and highlighting the value of new experiences over long-term stability.

Are there any psychological patterns commonly observed in serial monogamists?

Psychological patterns like a fear of being alone, a desire for constant companionship, and a drive for romantic connection are observed in serial monogamists.

What are the pros and cons associated with serial monogamy?

Some individuals may experience personal growth and learn about relationship dynamics, yet there can also be emotional and psychological challenges from regular transitions between partners.