When we talk about cheating, we often think of it in the context of traditional monogamy—sneaky affairs, secretive behavior, and broken promises.
But what about cheating in an open relationship?
In open relationships, where multiple partnerships and romantic connections are part of the agreement, can cheating still happen?
Is it possible for someone to cheat in an open relationship?
And if it does, how do we navigate the complicated feelings and dynamics that come with it?
Let’s break it down and explore this deeply.
Key Takeaways
- Even in non-monogamous dynamics, breaking boundaries or withholding information constitutes cheating. Trust and honesty remain essential.
- Regularly revisiting relationship agreements and clearly defining boundaries reduces misunderstandings and emotional pain.
- Open relationships after infidelity can thrive if both partners commit to healing, adjusting rules, and re-establishing trust.
What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
In the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), the core idea is simple: relationships can involve more than one person, as long as there is mutual understanding, consent, and transparency.
ENM can include open relationships, polyamory, swinging, or other forms where people have romantic or sexual connections with more than one partner, but everyone knows about it and agrees to the arrangement.
It sounds liberating, right?
But like all relationships, ENM comes with its own set of challenges.
One of the most challenging?
What happens when one partner breaks the trust that was foundational to the arrangement?
When trust is broken, it may not just be about the act of infidelity but how it impacts the emotional well-being of everyone involved.
Open relationships after infidelity or cheating can feel like a massive betrayal, even when the relationship is built on the premise of openness.
Understanding the boundaries of your relationship, and where those lines are drawn, is the most crucial part of maintaining trust in a cheating open relationship.
Can Someone “Cheat” in an Open Relationship?
Can you cheat in an open relationship?
The short answer is yes.
In fact, cheating in an open relationship is a major concern, especially when communication and boundaries break down.
Just because you have the freedom to date, hook up, or form connections with others doesn’t mean there are no rules or guidelines in place.
The key difference between ENM and traditional monogamy is that cheating is still about breaking an agreed-upon rule, not the act of being intimate with someone outside your primary partner.
For example, you and your partner may have agreed that casual hookups are okay, but sleeping with someone emotionally or romantically is off-limits.
Or maybe you’ve agreed to practice a form of transparency where everyone involved is informed about each other.
If one partner suddenly decides to hide their actions or ignore the boundaries, that’s still a breach of trust and an act of open cheating.
In a cheating open relationship, it’s not just the sex that can feel like a betrayal—it’s the violation of mutual respect and the emotional agreements made.
Why Does Cheating Happen in Open Relationships?
Like any relationship dynamic, there are various reasons why cheating happens in ENM.
Some of the common causes are:
Poor Communication
In any relationship, communication is key. In ENM, where multiple people are involved, it’s even more crucial.
Lack of clear and honest communication can lead to misunderstandings, unmet needs, or feelings of neglect.
When communication falls apart, so can trust. This is one of the most common reasons why cheating in open relationship situations occur.
Unclear Boundaries
One person might feel hurt or betrayed if boundaries aren’t set or respected.
For example, if one partner agrees to only date outside the relationship but ends up getting emotionally invested in someone else, it may feel like a betrayal, even if it doesn’t technically “break the rules” of an open relationship.
It’s important to establish clear and specific boundaries to avoid this kind of confusion.
This is why regularly revisiting and reaffirming boundaries in open relationships after infidelity is essential for maintaining a healthy connection.
Jealousy or Insecurity
Yes, jealousy still exists in ENM.
Sometimes it’s not just about sex, but the emotional connection someone else forms with your partner.
People can experience feelings of envy, inadequacy, or fear of losing their partner, which can lead to decisions that go against the relationship’s agreement.
Jealousy doesn’t just vanish because you’re in an open relationship—it may just look different.
However, jealousy can still lead to cheating in open relationships if one person feels neglected, unheard, or unsafe in the dynamic.
A Lack of Accountability
Trust thrives when everyone takes responsibility for their actions.
In ENM relationships, partners are expected to hold each other accountable, whether it’s keeping promises or being upfront when something doesn’t sit right.
If one person shirks responsibility, it can lead to issues like dishonesty or deceit.
Without accountability, relationships can unravel quickly.
The act of cheating in an open relationship often stems from a breakdown of this shared responsibility and can leave emotional wounds that may take time to heal.
What Do You Do If It Happens?
If cheating or betrayal occurs in an open relationship, the first step is to acknowledge the hurt.
Remember, just because the relationship isn’t monogamous, doesn’t mean the feelings of hurt, anger, or betrayal aren’t valid.
Trust is still important, and it’s painful when it’s broken.
Here are some ways to begin the healing process:
Have a Calm, Honest Conversation
It’s essential to talk about what happened, and how it’s affecting you.
Be honest about your emotions, and try to listen to your partner’s side of the story.
It’s easy to be defensive or accusatory, but try to remain open-minded and non-judgmental.
Having an open conversation creates space for healing, even if the truth hurts.
Revisit Your Boundaries and Agreements
If cheating occurred because of unclear boundaries or unmet needs, it’s time to sit down and rewrite the relationship rules.
What went wrong?
What needs to change moving forward?
It’s okay to change the dynamics of your relationship as long as everyone involved agrees.
This process allows the relationship to evolve rather than stay stagnant.
If the open relationship after cheating doesn’t feel the same, then it might be time to adjust the structure or revisit the foundation of the relationship.
Decide If You Want to Rebuild Trust
Can you forgive your partner, and can they regain your trust?
This is one of the toughest questions in any relationship.
It’s okay to take time and space to reflect, and even decide if the relationship is worth rebuilding.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t always mean staying together.
Sometimes, you need to protect your own emotional well-being, even if that means walking away.
Seek Professional Help
If the emotional turmoil is too much to handle on your own, consider therapy or counseling.
An outside perspective can help you work through the feelings of betrayal and come up with a path forward.
A therapist can guide you in processing difficult emotions and help you navigate the complexities of an ENM relationship.
Final Thoughts
Just like traditional relationships, open relationships depend on trust and communication.
Cheating isn’t about the number of people involved, but about respecting your partner(s) and the agreements you’ve made together.
It’s possible to create a loving, fulfilling, and open relationship where everyone’s needs are met, but it requires constant attention, honesty, and a commitment to each other.
If you’re thinking about entering the world of ENM, or are already in it, remember that the rules are there to help everyone thrive.
Breaking them doesn’t just break the rules—it can break hearts.
So, keep the conversation flowing, check in regularly with your partners, and always make sure everyone’s feelings are taken into account.
Is an open relationship cheating? No.
But cheating in open relationships happens when the established agreements are broken, and trust is violated.
FAQ on Cheating in an Open Relationship
Can an open relationship fix cheating in a monogamous relationship?
Not necessarily. Opening a relationship to “fix” monogamy-based cheating often leads to more issues. If trust is already broken, it’s crucial to repair it first before transitioning to ethical non-monogamy. Open relationships require strong foundations of honesty and trust.
Is open relationship cheating different from monogamous cheating?
Yes. In monogamy, cheating is typically defined by any external sexual or emotional relationship. In open relationships, cheating happens when boundaries are crossed or agreements are broken—such as lying, hiding partners, or disregarding safe sex rules.
How do I set boundaries to prevent cheating in my open relationship?
Start by discussing what feels comfortable or uncomfortable for each partner. Define emotional, sexual, and logistical boundaries (e.g., disclosure about new partners or preferred safe sex practices). Revisit these agreements regularly to ensure they still align with both partners’ needs.
How do you rebuild an open marriage after infidelity?
Rebuilding involves open conversations, accountability, and possibly redefining relationship boundaries. Couples may benefit from counseling to work through emotional pain. Rebuilding trust takes time, transparency, and a commitment to avoid secrecy moving forward.
What if I feel jealous, even though I agreed to an open relationship?
Jealousy is normal, even in open relationships. Address it directly by identifying the root cause—whether it’s fear of losing your partner, feeling neglected, or lacking security. Communicate openly with your partner about these feelings to find solutions together.
Is an open relationship considered cheating by societal standards?
Many people misunderstand open relationships and assume any intimacy outside the primary partner constitutes cheating. However, in ENM, mutual consent and agreements distinguish open relationships from traditional definitions of infidelity.
How can I tell if my partner is being dishonest in our open relationship?
Look for signs like avoiding conversations about other partners, inconsistencies in their stories, or secrecy around communication. Address concerns early by fostering a non-judgmental environment where honesty feels safe and encouraged.
