When we think about sexual identity, we often picture labels like gay, straight, bisexual, or queer.
These terms help define our sexual orientation—who we are attracted to.
But what about polyamory?
Can it be tied to sexual identity in the same way?
Is it part of who we are sexually, or is it something entirely different?
Today, we’ll explore whether polyamory is related to sexual identity and how it fits into the broader landscape of the Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) lifestyle.
Key Takeaways
- Polyamory is a relationship style, not a sexual identity. It focuses on how you choose to engage in relationships, not who you’re attracted to.
- While sexual identity shapes who we are attracted to, polyamory offers a way to navigate relationships with multiple people, regardless of sexual orientation.
- ENM and polyamory encourage fluidity in relationships, allowing individuals to redefine love and intimacy on their own terms, beyond societal norms.
Understanding Sexual Identity vs. Relationship Style
First, it’s important to distinguish between sexual identity and relationship style.
Sexual identity is about who we are attracted to, how we define our desires, and how we see ourselves in relation to the spectrum of sexual orientations.
It’s an internal part of us that helps explain our emotional and sexual preferences.
It’s about who we are drawn to based on attraction—gender, physical appearance, emotional connection, and romantic desires.
On the other hand, polyamory is a relationship style.
It refers to the practice of having multiple consensual, romantic, and/or sexual relationships at the same time, with open communication and mutual respect.
Polyamory doesn’t necessarily define who you are attracted to—it’s more about how you choose to navigate and engage in relationships.
Polyamory is about embracing a relationship model where people can connect emotionally, romantically, and sexually with multiple partners.
It’s about choosing a way of relating that aligns with your values around love, trust, and intimacy.
Sexual identity helps define who we love or who we desire.
Relationship style, like polyamory, defines how we navigate those connections.
So, Is Polyamory a Sexual Identity?
The short answer: No, polyamory isn’t a sexual identity.
It’s a relationship choice that can be part of your lifestyle, but it’s not about sexual attraction to certain people or groups.
Polyamory focuses on the structure and the way we relate to others, not on sexual orientation.
However, some people may feel a connection between their sexual identity and their choice to engage in polyamorous relationships.
For instance, someone who identifies as bisexual may also feel drawn to polyamory as a way to explore multiple relationships, but this doesn’t mean that polyamory is inherently tied to their sexuality.
It’s simply part of how they approach relationships, just like someone who identifies as heterosexual might choose monogamy.
Polyamory is more about the philosophy or practice of having multiple, consensual relationships, rather than an identity label related to sexual attraction.
How Polyamory and Sexual Identity Interact
While polyamory isn’t a sexual identity, it can be influenced by it.
Many people in the ENM community find that their sexual identity and relationship style are intertwined in meaningful ways.
For example:
Asexual individuals: An asexual person might choose polyamory to form relationships where sexual intimacy isn’t a priority, allowing them to connect emotionally and romantically with multiple partners in a way that feels authentic to their identity.
Bisexual or pansexual individuals: Someone who identifies as bisexual or pansexual may find polyamory appealing as it allows them to pursue relationships with partners of any gender, fully embracing their sexual identity without feeling restricted by traditional monogamous expectations.
Queer individuals: Many queer people explore polyamory as a way to express their non-traditional approach to both gender and sexuality, seeing polyamory as a way to move beyond societal norms and create more fluid, open, and inclusive relationships.
Polyamory can provide more space for these individuals to live out their sexual identities authentically.
In this sense, polyamory may align with how someone expresses their sexual identity in practice, even if it’s not a core part of that identity itself.
Polyamory and the Fluidity of Identity
One of the beautiful things about the ENM lifestyle is that it embraces fluidity, both in relationships and in identity.
People aren’t boxed into one definition of what their romantic or sexual lives should look like.
Polyamory is one example of how relationship structures can evolve and adapt to personal needs, desires, and identities.
People are allowed to explore, grow, and redefine what works best for them, which leads to more authentic connections.
Many people in the ENM community might find themselves shifting between different relationship styles, sexual identities, or desires over time.
For some, the decision to engage in polyamory comes from a deeper exploration of personal desires, freedom, and the realization that they can love and connect with multiple people at once.
For others, it’s about breaking free from the restrictions of traditional monogamy and creating relationships that feel right, rather than conforming to social expectations.
Someone who was previously in a monogamous relationship might explore polyamory as their understanding of their sexual or romantic identity evolves.
For some, embracing polyamory is a step toward a broader definition of love and intimacy.
This openness helps people reframe how they view romantic connection, making space for love in its many forms.
Final Thoughts
So, what’s the verdict?
Polyamory isn’t a sexual identity. It’s a relationship style that can coexist with various sexual identities.
While polyamory can be an expression of sexual freedom, connection, and exploration for some, it doesn’t define who you are sexually.
Instead, it reflects how you choose to navigate love, intimacy, and connection in a way that feels authentic to your needs and values.
For those in the ENM lifestyle, polyamory is one tool in the toolbox for building meaningful, fulfilling relationships that align with who we are—not just sexually, but in every part of our lives.
The beauty of ENM is its flexibility and openness, allowing us to explore and define our relationships on our own terms.
If you’ve been wondering about the connection between polyamory and sexual identity, hopefully, this post helps clarify things.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to find what works best for you—whether you’re single, dating, polyamorous, or anything in between.
Embrace your journey, and trust that there’s no one “right” way to define your sexual or relational identity.
FAQ on Polyamory and Sexual Identity
Is polyamory only for people who are sexually attracted to multiple people?
No, polyamory isn’t just about sexual attraction. It’s a relationship style focused on forming deep emotional, romantic, and/or sexual connections with multiple people. Even individuals who aren’t interested in sexual relationships may practice polyamory for the emotional connections it allows.
Can you be in a monogamous relationship and still identify as polyamorous?
Yes, you can identify as polyamorous even if you are currently in a monogamous relationship. Identity and relationship style aren’t always aligned. People may still feel an affinity for polyamory but choose monogamy for various personal or situational reasons.
Do I need to be open to multiple sexual partners to practice polyamory?
While many people in polyamorous relationships do have sexual connections with multiple partners, sexual activity is not a requirement for polyamory. The core of polyamory lies in forming multiple, consensual relationships, which can be sexual, romantic, or simply emotional.
How does polyamory work with different sexual identities, like asexuality or bisexuality?
Polyamory can work with any sexual identity. People who identify as asexual, bisexual, queer, or any other sexual identity may choose polyamory as a way to explore and build relationships that fit their needs and desires. For example, asexual individuals may form deep, non-sexual relationships with multiple partners, while bisexual people may feel comfortable exploring connections with partners of any gender.
Can polyamory be a form of self-discovery?
Absolutely! Polyamory often encourages self-discovery and growth. By engaging in multiple relationships, people may learn more about themselves, their emotional needs, desires, and what kind of connections feel most authentic to them. It can be a journey of understanding both your sexuality and your relationship needs.
Anna is an anthropologist with a passion for Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and gender and sexuality studies. Through ENM Living, she shares research-based insights and informative content to help others explore and navigate alternative relationship models. Anna is dedicated to creating an inclusive space that celebrates love in all its forms and supports those navigating the complexities of ENM.
