If you’ve been exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) for any amount of time, chances are you’ve come across a variety of terms that describe different sexual orientations.
Some are widely known, like gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Others, such as polysexual and pansexual, might not be as familiar, but they are equally important in understanding attraction and identity.
Two terms that often get confused (and sometimes even used interchangeably) are polysexual and pansexual.
So, what’s the difference, and why should you care—especially in an ENM lifestyle?
Let’s break it down in a way that’s clear, relatable, and actually useful in the dating world.
Key Takeaways
- Pansexual people are attracted to all genders, while polysexual people are attracted to multiple (but not all) genders.
- Understanding these terms helps improve communication, avoid misunderstandings, and foster inclusivity in non-monogamous relationships.
- Labels can be helpful for self-discovery, but they aren’t required. Your experience of attraction is valid, no matter how you define it.
Polysexual vs. Pansexual: The Basics
What is Pansexuality?
Pansexuality means being attracted to people of all genders.
For pansexual individuals, gender is not a defining factor in who they find attractive.
Instead, their attraction is based on things like personality, chemistry, emotional connection, or physical attraction, regardless of gender identity.
This means that a pansexual person can be attracted to cisgender men, cisgender women, nonbinary people, genderfluid individuals, trans people, and anyone else across the gender spectrum.
Essentially, a pansexual person might say, “I fall for people, not genders.”
What is Polysexuality?
Polysexuality means being attracted to multiple, but not all, genders.
Unlike pansexuality, where gender is not a factor in attraction, polysexual people may have specific preferences for which genders they find attractive.
For example, a polysexual person might be attracted to men and nonbinary people, but not women.
Or they might be attracted to women and gender-fluid individuals, but not cisgender men.
There is no universal “rule” for polysexuality—it simply means that someone is attracted to multiple genders but not every gender.
A Simple Analogy
Think of it like this:
Pansexuality is like loving an all-you-can-eat buffet—everything on the menu is a potential option.
Polysexuality is like loving multiple cuisines—maybe you’re all about Thai, Italian, and Ethiopian food, but you’re just not into sushi or burgers.
Both are completely valid ways of experiencing attraction, and neither one is “more inclusive” or “better” than the other.
It’s all about personal preference and how attraction works for each individual.
Why Does This Matter in ENM?
In Ethical Non-Monogamy, we put a lot of thought into communication, identity, and compatibility.
Understanding the language around attraction can make dating, relationship-building, and self-discovery much smoother.
Here’s why knowing the difference between polysexual and pansexual can actually make your dating life easier:
Avoiding Miscommunication in Dating
When meeting potential partners in ENM, it’s important to be clear about how you experience attraction.
If someone identifies as pansexual, it means that gender is not a factor in their attraction. That might give you an idea of how they approach relationships.
If someone is polysexual, they may have preferences that shape who they seek connections with. Knowing this upfront can help avoid mismatched expectations.
By understanding these terms, you can communicate better with partners and navigate attraction more effectively.
Being Honest About Attraction
In ENM, honesty is a core value.
If you’re polysexual, it’s okay to say, “I’m attracted to multiple genders, but not all.”
Just like being straight, gay, or bisexual, polysexuality isn’t about exclusion—it’s about knowing what resonates with you.
On the other hand, pansexuality means that gender just isn’t a part of how attraction is experienced.
These differences can shape dynamics in relationships, especially in an expansive dating pool like ENM.
Expanding Awareness in a Diverse Dating Pool
ENM attracts people of all orientations and identities.
Knowing the difference between polysexual and pansexual can help you:
Better understand and respect the identities of potential partners.
Avoid making incorrect assumptions about someone’s attraction.
Have more informed and thoughtful conversations about relationships and compatibility.
It also helps when setting up dating profiles, discussing expectations with polycules, or simply being mindful of how different people experience attraction.
What If You’re Still Unsure Where You Fit?
If you’ve ever thought, “Am I polysexual? Pansexual? Something else?”, you’re not alone.
Attraction isn’t always cut and dry, and sometimes, labels take time to figure out.
Here are some guiding questions to help you reflect:
Do I find myself attracted to people regardless of gender? → You might lean towards pansexual.
Are there specific genders I am (or am not) attracted to? → That could point to polysexual.
Does a label even matter to me? → It’s okay if it doesn’t! You don’t have to define yourself if it doesn’t feel useful.
In the world of ENM, labels can be helpful for self-discovery, but they aren’t rules you have to follow.
Your experiences and attractions are valid whether or not they fit neatly into one term.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, both polysexuality and pansexuality are about who we’re drawn to, not how we love.
And in ENM, where love and connection can take many forms, having the language to describe attraction can make things clearer, smoother, and more affirming for everyone involved.
So whether you’re polysexual, pansexual, or just figuring things out, one thing is for sure:
Understanding yourself better makes for better relationships—and that’s what ENM is all about.
FAQ on Polysexual vs. Pansexual
Can someone be both polysexual and pansexual?
Yes, some people may feel that both labels resonate with their experiences. Identity is personal, and it’s okay to use multiple terms if they help describe your attraction better.
Do polysexual and pansexual people experience attraction differently?
Not necessarily. The difference lies in how they conceptualize their attraction rather than how they experience it. Some people may use these terms interchangeably, while others see a clear distinction.
Is polysexuality a newer term than pansexuality?
Polysexuality has been around for a long time, but it may be less commonly recognized than pansexuality. Both terms have historical roots, though pansexuality has gained more mainstream visibility in recent years.
How do I know which label fits me best?
There’s no rush to label yourself. If you feel more connected to one term over the other, you can use that label—or no label at all. Identity is fluid, and you can always update how you describe yourself as you learn more about your attraction patterns.
Does being polysexual or pansexual affect dating preferences in ENM?
Not necessarily. Both polysexual and pansexual individuals can thrive in different forms of ethical non-monogamy. The key is clear communication with partners about boundaries, preferences, and attractions.
Anna is an anthropologist with a passion for Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and gender and sexuality studies. Through ENM Living, she shares research-based insights and informative content to help others explore and navigate alternative relationship models. Anna is dedicated to creating an inclusive space that celebrates love in all its forms and supports those navigating the complexities of ENM.
