When you think of monogamy, you might imagine the typical “one true love” narrative: two people meet, fall in love, and commit to each other for life.
It’s the stuff of fairy tales, rom-coms, and pretty much every pop song ever written.
But what if there were a way to do monogamy differently—intentionally, consciously, and with the same values of honesty, communication, and consent that drive the ethical non-monogamy (ENM) lifestyle?
Enter Radical Monogamy.
While it may sound like an oxymoron on a blog dedicated to ENM, radical monogamy challenges the traditional norms of monogamy and offers a refreshing, intentional take on committed relationships.
Let’s dive into what it means and how it might resonate with anyone—whether you’re monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between.
Key Takeaways
- Radical monogamy highlights the choice to stay with one partner.
- Open communication and effort are vital in practicing radical monogamy.
- It contrasts traditional monogamy by emphasizing personal commitment over societal expectations.
Radical Monogamy vs. Default Monogamy
Most people enter monogamous relationships by default.
Society tells us it’s the “right” way to love: you’re expected to be with one person and one person only, forever, without really questioning if that’s what you want or if it aligns with your values.
This is default monogamy—monogamy that’s unexamined, unquestioned and assumed.
Radical monogamy, on the other hand, flips the script by transforming monogamy from a passive, assumed norm into an active, deliberate choice.
Imagine a scenario where a couple, previously non-monogamous, decides to focus exclusively on each other.
Instead of feeling constrained by traditional monogamy, they set mutual goals for their relationship that incorporate the open communication and autonomy they learned through ENM.
It’s like choosing a favorite book not because it’s the only one available, but because it’s the one you want to read over and over again. This shift reframes exclusivity as an empowering, intentional act rather than a default expectation.
It’s about choosing monogamy intentionally and practicing it in a way that’s deeply aligned with your desires, needs, and values.
Instead of viewing your partner as your “everything” or relying on societal scripts to define your relationship, you build a partnership that feels authentic and sustainable for both of you.
Sound familiar?
That’s because these principles are shared with ENM!
What Makes It Radical?
Radical monogamy borrows key tenets from ENM, like:
Open Communication
This goes beyond surface-level conversations and involves partners discussing not only their needs and boundaries but also their long-term dreams and fears.
Radical monogamy invites a level of dialogue that ensures both partners remain emotionally transparent and attuned to each other’s growth.
Deconstructing Jealousy
Just like in ENM, jealousy in radical monogamy is treated as an opportunity to uncover insecurities or unmet needs.
For example, if one partner feels jealous of a close friendship, they might explore the root cause together, leading to deeper trust and understanding rather than resentment.
Autonomy and Choice
Radical monogamy thrives on the recognition that partners are autonomous individuals.
This means maintaining hobbies, friendships, and personal goals outside the relationship, much like ENM’s emphasis on independence.
For instance, a radically monogamous couple might agree to spend dedicated time apart for personal reflection or growth.
Rejecting the One-Size-Fits-All Relationship Model
Like ENM, radical monogamy challenges societal scripts.
Couples might redefine fidelity in ways that suit their unique dynamic, such as agreeing on what constitutes emotional or physical exclusivity.
One couple might consider sharing fantasies about others as bonding, while another might prefer to keep such thoughts private.
By adapting these ENM principles, radical monogamy creates a hybrid approach where exclusivity coexists with a deep respect for individual freedom, mutual growth, and ongoing communication.
Open Communication: Partners discuss their needs, boundaries, and expectations with the same depth and transparency seen in non-monogamous dynamics.
Deconstructing Jealousy: Jealousy isn’t demonized but explored as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Instead of avoiding jealousy, you work through it together.
Autonomy and Choice: Partners maintain their individuality and independence.
You’re choosing to be together, not because of societal pressure, but because it’s what you both want.
Rejecting the One-Size-Fits-All Relationship Model: Radical monogamy acknowledges that no two relationships are the same.
Couples can define monogamy on their own terms, setting boundaries that work for them.
For example, a radically monogamous couple might agree that flirting is fine but prefer not to entertain emotional connections with others.
Or they might set boundaries around certain types of intimacy, not because “that’s what monogamy is” but because it feels right for them.
Why Radical Monogamy Appeals to Some ENM Practitioners
Believe it or not, many people who explore ENM find themselves drawn back to monogamy—but not the default kind.
After experimenting with multiple partners, open relationships, or polyamory, they’ve gained a clearer understanding of what they truly want and need in a relationship.
For example, someone who has explored polyamory might realize they deeply value the focused intimacy and stability of a single partnership, something they couldn’t fully appreciate before.
Another scenario could involve a former ENM practitioner recognizing that, while they cherish the lessons of open communication and autonomy, they feel most fulfilled by building a life exclusively with one partner.
These experiences don’t negate their ENM journey but instead highlight personal growth and a refined understanding of their relational preferences.
For some, that clarity leads to choosing one partner—not out of obligation, but out of genuine preference.
Radical monogamy allows former ENM practitioners to integrate the lessons they’ve learned—about communication, trust, and intentionality—into a monogamous framework.
It’s not about “giving up” non-monogamy but about applying its principles to a different type of relationship.
Can Radical Monogamy and ENM Coexist?
Absolutely.
Radical monogamy and ENM aren’t opposites; they’re part of the same spectrum of intentional relationships.
Think of it like a color gradient: one end represents traditional monogamy, the other extreme polyamory, and in between lies a wide array of choices, including radical monogamy and other forms of ENM.
Each option exists on a continuum of relational styles that prioritize intentionality.
For instance, someone practicing radical monogamy might value deep exclusivity while still embracing ENM principles like autonomy and open communication.
Conversely, a polyamorous individual might find inspiration in radical monogamy’s focus on intentional commitment and use it to strengthen one of their primary partnerships.
This spectrum perspective helps to reframe the conversation—not as a binary choice between “monogamy versus non-monogamy,” but as a shared toolkit of values and practices that people can draw from to suit their unique relational needs.
Both reject societal defaults and encourage people to define their relationships on their own terms.
Someone in an ENM lifestyle can appreciate radical monogamy as an alternative model—and even use it as inspiration for setting boundaries or deepening intimacy within their own non-monogamous relationships.
In fact, the two can coexist within a community or even within a single person’s journey.
One season of life might call for exploration and openness, while another might call for commitment and focus on a single partner.
Radical monogamy can be a choice made today—and revisited tomorrow, just like ENM.
Is Radical Monogamy Right for You?
If you’ve ever felt like traditional monogamy didn’t quite fit but you’re not ready (or interested) in exploring non-monogamy, radical monogamy could be a middle ground.
It asks you to:
Reflect deeply on what you want from a relationship.
Communicate openly and honestly with your partner.
Challenge societal norms and craft your own relationship rules.
Whether you’re monogamous, non-monogamous, or exploring your options, the goal is the same: building relationships that feel authentic, fulfilling, and true to who you are.
Radical monogamy isn’t about judging other relationship styles (including ENM); it’s about recognizing that intentionality is what makes any relationship radical—whether it’s with one person or many.
What do you think?
Could radical monogamy fit into your vision of intentional relationships?
Final Thoughts
Radical monogamy is more than just a buzzword—it’s an invitation to rethink how we approach love and commitment.
Blending the principles of ENM with the structure of monogamy offers a pathway to creating relationships that are both intentional and deeply meaningful.
It reminds us that relationships, like people, are not one-size-fits-all.
Whether you’re currently practicing ENM, exploring monogamy, or somewhere in between, radical monogamy challenges you to show up with honesty, courage, and intention.
And isn’t that what all great relationships—monogamous or not—are truly about?
So, take this as an opportunity to reflect on your relationship values.
How can you make your connections more authentic, more fulfilling, and more aligned with who you are today?
As always, the journey is yours to define.
FAQ about Radical Monogamy
Can radical monogamy be practiced by people who have previously engaged in non-monogamous relationships?
Yes, many individuals who have explored non-monogamous relationships, such as polyamory or open relationships, may be drawn to radical monogamy after gaining clarity about their personal needs. Radical monogamy allows them to apply lessons from ENM—like open communication and autonomy—to a monogamous framework that aligns with their preferences.
Is radical monogamy compatible with polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy?
Absolutely. Radical monogamy and non-monogamy, such as polyamory, are not mutually exclusive. They both fall within a spectrum of intentional relationship models that prioritize personal choice, autonomy, and clear communication. People can practice radical monogamy in one relationship and polyamory in another, or even blend both principles in the same partnership.
How does radical monogamy challenge traditional ideas of jealousy?
Radical monogamy encourages partners to treat jealousy not as a negative emotion, but as an opportunity to explore underlying insecurities or unmet needs. It promotes open communication about these feelings to foster trust and understanding, rather than resorting to secrecy or resentment.
Can radical monogamy work if one partner wants more autonomy and the other wants deeper exclusivity?
Yes, radical monogamy allows couples to tailor their relationship rules based on their unique needs. If one partner values autonomy and the other prefers exclusivity, they can establish boundaries that align with both desires. This flexibility is a core principle of radical monogamy.
How can radical monogamy help address societal pressures around monogamy?
Radical monogamy helps couples reject the “one-size-fits-all” approach to relationships, where monogamy is seen as the only acceptable model. By making monogamy a choice rather than a default, couples can create relationships based on mutual values, desires, and commitments rather than societal expectations.
Is it possible to practice radical monogamy without sacrificing personal growth or independence?
Yes. One of the key principles of radical monogamy is maintaining personal autonomy while being in a committed relationship. This includes fostering personal goals, hobbies, and friendships outside the partnership, which are respected and supported within the relationship.
What role does consent play in radical monogamy?
Consent is a cornerstone of radical monogamy. Partners must communicate openly and honestly about their boundaries, desires, and needs. This ensures that both individuals feel safe and respected and that their relationship remains rooted in mutual respect and agreement.
