In the world of ethical non-monogamy, not all love is romantic. Not all closeness is sexual. Not all intimacy ends in bed.
This lifestyle asks us to stretch past the scripts we were taught—the ones that say only romantic or sexual connections matter. ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) is not just about having multiple partners. It’s about expanding our capacity for connection in all directions—emotional, intellectual, spiritual, platonic.
That means asking:
What kinds of love and support do I want in my life?
And from whom?
Instead of ranking relationships on a ladder with sex or romance at the top, ENM encourages us to look at relationships as constellations—each one shining in its own way. And in that constellation, platonic relationships are often the North Star.
They’re not “just friends.” They’re emotional anchors.
They’re the ones holding your hand after a breakup, calling you out with love when you’re being a mess, or showing up on a Wednesday night just because you needed a hug and some pasta.
It’s time we stop treating platonic love like the side dish when it’s often the main nourishment.
Let’s give it the space, care, and celebration it deserves—not as a lesser connection, but as a pillar that holds up the entire house of our relationships.
Key Takeaways
- Platonic relationships are deeply intimate and emotionally nourishing, even without sex or romance.
- They help distribute emotional labor, reduce jealousy, and offer steady support during romantic ups and downs.
- Platonic love challenges the idea that only romantic or sexual relationships are “real” or worthy, and expands your capacity to love in more liberated, authentic ways.
What Is a Platonic Relationship?
A platonic relationship is a close, meaningful connection that’s emotionally intimate—but not sexual or romantic.
Let that land.
Not. Sexual. Not. Romantic.
But still deeply loving, fiercely loyal, and totally life-changing.
It’s the person who sends you memes when you’re sad.
The one who knows your coffee order and your childhood trauma.
The one who helps you move apartments and never judges your mess.
The love is real.
The bond is deep.
The sex just isn’t part of the equation—and that doesn’t make it any less powerful.
The word “platonic” comes from Plato, the ancient philosopher, who believed that love could be soulful, intellectual, and transcendent, without needing to be sexual.
It was about connection that uplifts your spirit and expands your mind.
Today, in a world obsessed with “relationship escalators”—where dating must lead to sex, cohabitation, marriage, or kids—a platonic relationship says:
“We don’t need to follow those rules to matter to each other.”
In the ENM lifestyle, this is a radical truth.
You might have one or two romantic partners, a few play partners, and a platonic best friend who knows you better than anyone.
That best friend might be your emotional rock, your creative collaborator, your chosen family.
You might build a whole life together—without ever sharing a bed.
And that’s beautiful.
In fact, it’s liberating.
It frees you from the idea that love has to look a certain way to count.
Platonic relationships allow you to invest in connection for its own sake—no pressure, no sexual tension, no performance.
Just pure presence.
And that, in an ENM context, is not just refreshing—it’s revolutionary.
Common Myths About Platonic Relationships (And Why They’re Wrong)
“They’re Not That Deep.”
Wrong.
This is one of the most common and harmful myths about platonic relationships.
We’re conditioned to believe that depth, intensity, and emotional significance are reserved for romantic love.
But that simply isn’t true.
Platonic relationships can be just as intense, transformative, and life-defining as any romantic connection.
In fact, some of the most profound emotional bonds people experience are with their platonic best friends, chosen family, or long-term companions.
These relationships can involve deep emotional labor, mutual healing, and years of shared experience.
They offer a safe space to be seen, held, and understood—without the pressure of romance or sexual tension.
The truth is, depth doesn’t require romance.
It requires presence, trust, and emotional availability—qualities that are abundant in strong platonic bonds.
“They’re Just a Phase Before Romance.”
Nope.
Not every meaningful connection is a stepping stone to a romantic relationship.
This myth reduces platonic relationships to pre-dating purgatory, suggesting they only matter if they evolve into something romantic.
That idea is not only limiting, it’s dismissive.
It reinforces the belief that the only “successful” or “real” relationships are ones that include romance or sex.
But many platonic connections are not waiting for anything.
They are complete, satisfying, and self-sustaining as they are.
They are not holding space for something “more”—because they already are enough.
Some relationships are the story—not the prologue to a romantic chapter.
When we accept this, we begin to value all types of love, not just the romantic kind.
“You Can’t Be This Close Unless You’re Dating.”
False.
This myth is rooted in romance supremacy—the belief that only romantic relationships are worthy of deep connection and closeness.
But here’s the truth: intimacy is not exclusive to dating.
You don’t need to sleep with someone, date them, or label them your partner to feel deeply emotionally connected.
Intimacy is built through shared experiences, vulnerability, consistency, and mutual care.
These are the same ingredients found in close platonic bonds.
You can cry in front of a friend and feel held.
You can be physically affectionate, laugh until you can’t breathe, or talk for hours on end—and still never cross into romantic territory.
Platonic relationships prove that love is expansive.
They show us that closeness isn’t owned by romance—it’s a human capacity we all have, regardless of the type of relationship.
And when we stop gatekeeping intimacy, we create space for richer, fuller, and more authentic connections.
How to Cultivate Strong Platonic Relationships in ENM
Be Intentional
In ethical non-monogamy, it’s easy to get caught up in romantic and sexual connections.
But platonic relationships deserve deliberate attention too.
Making time for your platonic people is not just nice—it’s essential.
Schedule dinner nights, hikes, or long catch-up phone calls with them.
Treat these moments with the same priority you give your romantic dates.
Consistency shows that you value and cherish these bonds.
Even small gestures, like sending a quick text to check in, can reinforce your connection.
Remember, intentionality is the foundation of strong, lasting relationships—platonic or otherwise.
Communicate Boundaries and Expectations
Clear communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship.
This is especially true in ENM, where multiple relationships intersect.
Be transparent about what your platonic relationship is—and equally important—what it isn’t.
Discuss physical touch preferences, emotional availability, time commitments, and how this connection fits alongside your romantic or sexual partners.
Openly talking about boundaries creates trust and prevents misunderstandings.
It’s okay to revisit these conversations regularly as relationships evolve.
The more clarity you provide, the more your platonic relationship can thrive without confusion or hurt feelings.
Celebrate the Intimacy
Platonic love is often underestimated or treated like a second-tier connection—but it’s time to change that narrative.
Don’t hesitate to express affection in ways that feel authentic to you.
Cuddle, hold hands, write heartfelt notes, or simply say, “I love you.”
These acts of intimacy reinforce your bond and remind each other of your importance.
Physical affection and verbal affirmations aren’t reserved solely for romance.
They’re powerful tools for nurturing emotional closeness and trust.
When you celebrate platonic intimacy openly, you create a culture where all love feels valid and valued.
Advocate for Their Place in Your Life
Our society often centers romance as the most important relationship type, leaving platonic bonds in the shadows.
But in ENM, platonic relationships are pillars of your emotional ecosystem.
Don’t let them be sidelined or minimized.
Introduce your platonic friends to your romantic partners when appropriate.
This fosters a sense of community and respect between your different relationship circles.
Make space for your platonic people in your schedule—whether that means weekly catch-ups or spontaneous hangouts.
Honor their role as deeply important and irreplaceable in your life.
When you actively advocate for your platonic relationships, you reinforce their value to yourself and everyone around you.
Final Thoughts on Platonic Relationships: Love Isn’t Linear
In ethical non-monogamy, we’re not just exploring multiple romantic connections.
We’re exploring the full spectrum of love—and that includes platonic relationships that might not look flashy but feel like home.
They challenge hierarchy.
They nourish your emotional ecosystem.
They remind you that you are loveable and loved, no matter what role someone plays in your life.
So next time someone asks, “What’s a platonic relationship?” you can say:
“It’s the kind of love that doesn’t need a label upgrade to be real.”
FAQs on Platonic Relationships
Can platonic relationships become romantic or sexual over time?
Yes, they can—but they don’t have to.
In the ENM world, relationships are often fluid.
Sometimes a platonic bond evolves into something romantic or sexual, and that’s okay—as long as communication is clear and consensual.
Other times, the platonic bond remains just as deep without changing lanes.
The key is to check in regularly and ensure all involved are on the same page.
How do I explain a platonic relationship to my other partners who feel threatened by it?
Start by validating their feelings, then deconstruct the hierarchy.
Let them know that just because the connection is emotionally close doesn’t mean it’s replacing or threatening your romantic bond.
Use language that frames love as abundant, not competitive.
Also, include your platonic person in your life transparently, so your other partners can see the connection rather than imagine it.
Is it okay to feel jealous about a partner’s platonic relationship?
Yes—it’s human.
Even in ENM, where we strive to manage jealousy differently, those feelings still come up.
The important part is what you do with it.
Instead of trying to control the relationship, get curious:
What is the platonic connection triggering in you?
Are there unmet needs in your own relationship?
How can you soothe your insecurity without limiting someone else’s bond?
Can I be “in a relationship” with a platonic partner?
Absolutely.
You can build shared goals, co-parent, live together, or create commitment rituals—even without romance or sex.
ENM is all about de-centering traditional scripts and building relationships that work for you.
If it’s intentional and emotionally significant, it is a relationship.
How do I know if a connection is platonic or something more?
This is a common question, especially in queer and ENM spaces where the lines often blur.
Ask yourself:
Do I want to explore romantic or sexual energy with this person?
Or am I fulfilled and at peace with the connection as it is?
Talk openly with the other person—define the energy, set expectations, and revisit as things shift.
Labels can help—but only if they serve you.
Should I include platonic partners in relationship check-ins or polycules?
If they’re a significant part of your life, yes.
Some people include platonic partners in polycules, family trees, or relationship agreements—especially if there’s emotional intimacy, shared responsibilities, or long-term involvement.
Platonic doesn’t mean “casual.”
So if they play a core role in your life, it makes sense to include them in the broader relationship landscape.
Anna is an anthropologist with a passion for Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and gender and sexuality studies. Through ENM Living, she shares research-based insights and informative content to help others explore and navigate alternative relationship models. Anna is dedicated to creating an inclusive space that celebrates love in all its forms and supports those navigating the complexities of ENM.
