Are Open Relationships Healthy? What the Research Says

If you’re curious about opening your relationship, or you’ve already started, there’s a question that tends to sit underneath everything else: are open relationships healthy, or are they just a slow way to fall apart? You’ve probably heard both answers, often stated with total confidence. This guide looks at what research actually says, what tends to make an open relationship feel good (or not), and how to check in on your own relationship honestly.

Are open relationships healthy? The short answer

They can be, and the research so far suggests they are about as healthy as monogamous relationships on average. Neither style is automatically healthy or unhealthy. What tips the balance is how the people involved treat each other.

An “open relationship” here means a form of consensual (or ethical) non-monogamy: everyone involved knows about and agrees to the arrangement. That’s the key difference from cheating. If you’re still getting your bearings with the terms, our comparison of polyamorous vs open relationships explains how the two differ.

What the research says

Research on consensual non-monogamy (CNM) has grown a lot in the last decade. It isn’t perfect, but a few findings come up again and again.

Satisfaction and well-being look similar

A University of Guelph study led by Jessica Wood, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, compared more than 140 people in consensually non-monogamous relationships with more than 200 people in monogamous ones. It found that both groups reported the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being and sexual satisfaction (University of Guelph, 2018).

That fits with an earlier review of the research by Rubel and Bogaert. Looking across studies of swinging, open relationships and polyamory, they concluded that consensual non-monogamists generally have “similar psychological well-being and relationship quality as monogamists” (Rubel & Bogaert, 2015).

Why you’re in it matters more than the structure

One of the most useful details in the Guelph study is what did predict satisfaction. People who had sex to feel close to a partner or to meet their own needs were more satisfied than people who had sex mainly to avoid conflict, and that motivation mattered more than whether the relationship was open or monogamous (University of Guelph, 2018).

In other words, the question isn’t only “is this structure healthy?” It’s also “are we choosing this, and each other, for reasons that feel good?”

Open non-monogamy and safer sex

Sexual health is a fair concern with any form of non-monogamy. One study compared people who were openly non-monogamous with people who were cheating on a monogamous partner. Among the 801 participants who had sex outside their main relationship, those who were unfaithful were less likely to use condoms and more likely to use drugs or alcohol during those encounters than those in negotiated open arrangements (Conley et al., 2012, reported by ScienceDaily).

That doesn’t mean open relationships carry no risk. It suggests that being open about non-monogamy makes it easier to plan and talk about protection.

It’s more common than you might think

Across two nationally representative samples of 8,718 single adults in the US, 21.5% said they had been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship at some point in their lives (Haupert and colleagues, reported by PsyPost). If you’re exploring this, you’re far from alone.

What the research can’t tell you

Most of these studies rely on people who volunteer to take part, and many come from North America. People who are happy in their relationships may be more likely to sign up, and studies can’t capture every kind of open relationship. So treat the findings as encouraging trends, not proof that any particular relationship will thrive.

What makes an open relationship healthy

The same things that make any relationship healthy matter here, with a few extra layers. Look for these signs:

• Real, ongoing consent. Everyone involved has agreed freely, without pressure, and knows they can raise concerns or change their mind.
• Honesty that holds up under stress. You tell each other the truth even when it’s awkward, and agreements aren’t quietly bent.
• Room for difficult feelings. Jealousy, insecurity and grief can show up. In a healthy dynamic they can be talked about without blame or punishment.
• Clear, kind agreements. You know what you’ve agreed on around time, safer sex, privacy and how you’ll handle new feelings.
• Care for everyone involved. Other partners are treated as people with their own needs, not as accessories to a couple.
• Your relationship still gets attention. New connections don’t mean your existing bond stops getting time, curiosity and affection.

For a longer list of positive signs, our relationship green flag checklist is a good companion to this article.

Signs an open relationship may not be healthy right now

None of these automatically means your relationship is doomed. They are signals to slow down and talk.

• One person agreed to “save” the relationship and has felt unhappy ever since. Our guide to a one-sided open relationship looks at this in more depth.
• Agreements keep getting broken and then explained away.
• Opening up is being used to avoid a problem, such as long-running conflict or disconnection, rather than as a choice you both want.
• Jealousy is met with mockery or pressure (“you just need to get over it”) instead of care.
• Someone feels unsafe, controlled or afraid to speak up. This is a serious sign, whatever the relationship structure.

A simple health check you can do together

Set aside 30 to 45 minutes when you’re both calm. Take turns answering these questions, and listen without interrupting.

1. “On a scale of one to ten, how good do I feel about our arrangement right now? What would move it up one point?”
2. “What’s one thing that’s been working well that I want to thank you for?”
3. “Is there anything I’ve been holding back because I worried how you’d react?”
4. “Are our agreements still right for us, or has anything changed?”
5. “What do I need from you in the next month to feel secure and cared for?”

If jealousy comes up during the conversation, that’s normal. Our guide to navigating jealousy in an open relationship has practical steps for working through it together.

Scripts for when it’s hard to start

• “I love what we’re building, and I want to make sure it still feels good for both of us. Can we do a check-in this week?”
• “Something’s been on my mind, and I’d rather talk about it now while it’s small.”
• “I don’t need you to fix this. I just want you to know how I’m feeling.”

A tool to help you keep things healthy

Healthy open relationships usually rest on clear expectations and boundaries that everyone understands. If you’d like a structured way to work those out together, the Guide #2: How to Set Boundaries & Manage Expectations in ENM walks you through naming what you need, saying it clearly and keeping agreements that work.

A note: ENM Living shares general information, not professional, medical or mental-health advice. If your relationship is causing you ongoing distress, or you feel unsafe, please reach out to a qualified professional. A counsellor or therapist who understands non-monogamy can help; directories such as the Kink and Polyamory Aware Professionals Directory list practitioners who are familiar with it. For sexual-health questions, speak to a doctor or sexual-health clinic.